Sometimes I say “yes” when I really want to say “no”. Learning how to say “no” gracefully is a skill we should all cultivate. When your mind and body are not in tune with what you’re doing you probably won’t do it well. You may feel resentful or stressed or even angry as you’re doing the unwanted task.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to say yes or no to something that I only halfway wanted to do. It was something I felt I “should” do and something that I even found interesting and often enjoyable. However, it would be happening during my long awaited vacation, and while it wasn’t exactly work, it wasn’t exactly play either. So after telling the person who invited me to participate in this event that I would think about it and get back to her I stopped and felt what was happening in my body and my mind. I was starting to feel stressed. I was starting to feel anxious about missing saying goodbye to my son when he’ll be going away with his grandmother for a week. I started to feel like I really didn’t want to do this thing. So I called back and said “no”. I did it gracefully and with conviction. I didn’t feel guilty about it. My body and mind instantly relaxed and with that sense of relaxation came the sure knowledge that I had done the right thing.
Sometimes there are obligations and things that we do because we really feel that we must. However, when you have a choice and are leaning toward saying “no”, listen to yourself. Do what your heart tells you. Only say “yes” to things that resonate for you and that you really want to do.
In the upcoming weeks one of the things that I want to do is develop an online course to help other moms rediscover themselves. I’ll be inviting you to participate and to provide feedback. If that resonates for you and you want to do it, please say “yes”. If it doesn’t resonate and you don’t want to, please listen to your heart and say “no”.
Sometimes even with all of the strategies I’ve put in place to help me deal with stress I find myself feeling overwhelmed. This week has been one of those weeks. Lack of sleep, preparing for the end of the school year and a long anticipated vacation, taking a really exciting online course and dealing with everyday stress has left me feeling somewhat frazzled. In response I’ve been meditating more, doing more conscious breathing and writing less. I’ve also found myself doing things that I know are NOT helpful like eating a giant chocolate chip cookie that was on the kitchen counter at work, doing less yoga and having a “pink drink” before dinner. (E-mail me for the recipe for pink drinks- they’re awesome!) It’s easy to slip into habits that are counter-productive. It’s easy to slip out of habits that are helpful. The snooze button has been calling out to me again. After a week of being really diligent about getting up 30 minutes early to write and have some “me” time I just groaned and rolled over yesterday and again today. In the past I probably would have decided that falling back into bad habits was a sign of my inability to get my act together. Today, in the spirit of acceptance and forgiveness I’ve decided to give myself a break. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. I’m going to give myself the same pass that I’d give to a good friend in the same position. What would I tell this friend?
“You’re a good person. You’re a good mom. You’re doing your best. Get some rest and soon you’ll feel better. Maybe that chocolate chip cookie had secret healthy ingredients tucked inside and you might have pulled a muscle if you’d done more yoga today.” (Yes, I have been known to make up stories to help my friends feel better).
Be a friend to yourself and take a break when you need it. You’ll thank yourself in the morning.
Today for Mothers’ Day I received the gift of solitude. It was much appreciated and I was able to spend some time on Biscayne Bay in my kayak. Sometimes the best gifts are those that can’t be wrapped.
I use Friendly Wishes (also known as Loving Kindness Practices) daily with my students, my son, and myself. No matter how I’m feeling I always get a boost from repeating the wishes and hearing them said.
The wishes are very simple:
- May you be happy.
- May you be safe.
- May you be healthy.
- May you be loved.
I then make the same wishes for myself:
- May I be happy.
- May I be safe.
- May I be healthy.
- May I be loved.
And that’s it! Repeating these throughout the day at key times (when I’m leaving the house, before entering my classroom, at bedtime) sets a positive tone.
Give it a try and let me know what you think.